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Saturday, January 23, 2010

We Get It: Haiti's A Shithole



The day after Haiti's most recent Big One all the reporters on scene were visibly cranky and it showed in their background reporting. They would all give dour and horrific descriptions of the country and cap it off with "and that's on a GOOD day." I think they were all disappointed with their accommodations or something. Maybe all the scotch was looted from their hotel bars. Maybe there were no screens on the windows. Whatever it was, it showed in their uninspiring testimony.

Maybe with some better digs we would have heard some of the more positive aspects of the Hemisphere's poorest country. No one ran with the fact that for such a poor country Haitians are a pretty good-looking people, Wyclef Jean being a tossup.

The attractiveness of the Haitian people might be a little subjective, but here are some facts that put a more favorable light on Haiti and its people.

Most Haitians seem to be at an optimal body weight.

Half the Haitian population practices voodoo. Pretty cool.

The United Arab Emirates, Bermuda, Burma, Ecuador, Nigeria, and Equatorial Guinea all have lower literacy rates than Haiti.

Some famous Haitians include Toussaint Louverture, Garcelle Beauvais, Jean-Michel Basquiat (they made a movie about him), and former Haitian president Jean Bertrand-Aristide.

And so on.

See, whatever is being reported becomes what people believe and if the same thing is being reported by all the stations everyone believes the same bullshit. Take the senate race in Massachusetts which was hyped as "angry Massachusetts voters send a message." The only message sent by the voters of Massachusetts was that they prefer the more charismatic, likable candidate over the distant, reserved candidate. Why was the anger in the Bay State so overplayed by The News? Because all the reporters who showed up to cover the race was welcomed by a hotel clerk with a hearty "Hey yaw one of them news re-tahds, ahn't you? Ahm Chah-gin' you double."

Just a guess.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Ahead On The Left Predictions For 2010 Part I

Creationists will present their first paper on digestive theory entitled "God Makes Farts".


After apprehension of failed "Brain Bomber" Larry Farouk Pickleson, travellers will now have to have their skulls cracked open before boarding commercial planes.


"Marsers" demand proof that President Obama is not from Mars.


A collection of botched special effects scenes from different movies will be edited together to create "Twilight 4." It will make a billion dollars.


Top new marijuana strain names in 2010:
Luxembourg Purple Hobo
Category 6
Muppet Dung
Charlie Rose Kush
Def Valley

2010 Republican attack on Democratic bills: "If you read this bill carefully it has provisions making abortions mandatory".

Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty will ink a million dollar deal for his first book "Her Throbbing Pleasure".

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy New Year!!!

I spent the holidays on the road with producer Michael (Sir Mikes-a-lot) Wright ("Indeed, My Posse Is On Broadway"), mostly in Spokane and Seattle. Here is a little of the New Years extravaganza. Notice anything strange? IT ISN'T RAINING like it was about 85% of the time in Seattle. As a matter of fact, the full moon was clearly visible. It was a helluva road trip, especially for the budget.

Thanks to Janet, Megan, Terry, Stephanie, the Currans, Heather, and of course Michael for a swell time. If I left anything in your houses you can keep it unless it's money.

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