Former Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic is currently on trial for genocide which can be pretty serious, but I think I can help him. I just fought a traffic ticket and won! Maybe my strategy can work for him.
Obviously, it's too late for the initial recommendations. he's already in jail, but I'll start at the beginning for the sake of thoroughness.
1. Be courteous to your arresting officer.
Just like you, the officer issuing your genocide citation is just someone with a job to do. Arguing with him/her will only make him or her/her more angry and less likely to see things your way.
2. Plead your case to the officer with dignity.
If you actually did commit genocide, admit it. This will put the officer at ease and make it more likely you will be given leniency or even a warning!
3. Be timely with all legal correspondence.
In the event you were unable to convince the officer to let you go you will be contacted by the court by mail. Respond to any request for a reply on time. You may think "it's only genocide. It's not important" but the court takes it very seriously.
4. Don't be discouraged.
Anything can happen in your favor after this point so stay positive. You first want to put off any court dates as long they will allow. Time is your friend. For example if the arresting officer has moved or is no longer an officer your genocide charge is automatically dismissed.
5. Don't miss your trial.
This one seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many people get scared of their genocide hearing or just flake. This will only make the judge find you guilty.
6. Where a suit.
Judges are used to genocide defendants showing up in tank tops, sagging shorts, or Daisy Dukes. To make yourself stand out, dress to impress. Let the court know you take the process seriously.
7. Be likable.
The judge is more likely to be on your side if you seem like a nice, considerate person. Be respectful. Remember to take your hat off. Don't have your iPod playing. Be concise and to the point. Don't waste the judges time. Never start a sentence with "yeah I committed genocide, but..."
8. Don't overreact when you hear the verdict.
The judge may rule against you in which case you will want to remain calm. Save any tantrums for when you go home later. When the time comes you can either accept the judges verdict or you can walk to the clerks office and request an appeal.
9. Discuss alternative sentencing.
If you are found guilty and you accept the judgment you may discuss sentencing alternatives. See if you can work polls in an upcoming election or go to genocide school.
10. If you appeal...
Follow steps three through nine. Remember, don't give up.
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