Darrell Issa: Gone In Sixty Seconds?

I have no way of knowing for sure, but Congressman Darrell Issa (R) California seems the kind of guy whom if you are in a Congressional men’s room and you hear him entering you immediately rap it up at the urinal even if it means pissing your pants so you don’t have to talk to him.

It’s not that Darrell isn’t a good Republican party boy. He toes the party line in an intellectual stratum somewhere above Birther levels. He enjoys giving the anti-Obama movement stuff to be happy about. In that vein Issa has announced as the new chairman of the Congressional Oversight Committee he will be conducting endless investigations into the Obama Administration which he describes as the most corrupt in history. As evidence of the corruption he cites the extent of the Recovery Act whose large price tag is bound to lead to misappropriation and/or ethical lapses. So using that same brand of logic we can assume that Mrs. Issa finds her husband repulsive by the fact they only have one child. It will be interesting to see if the $680 million in Stimu-cash that went to Issa’s district will be equally scrutinized.

Every party needs its crusaders, but why do the Republicans always end up choosing such dour, unlikable loudmouths? Is there anyone who remembers the fate of the charm deficient Newt Gingrich?

In addition to being the most annoying member of Congress, Issa is also the richest according to Wikipedia. Issa made a fortune as CEO of Directed Electronics which is responsible for manufacturing car alarms. Pretty apt. Car alarms, especially in congested areas have become synonymous with self-defeating nuisances. When people hear a car alarm in Los Angeles they HOPE it’s a car getting stolen; that way the earsore is guaranteed to be gone in sixty seconds. Otherwise it may be one of those miswired boondoggles that goes off like clockwork every few minutes while the car owner is probably swimming with dolphins in Bimini for a month.

In case you are wondering, Issa’s company did not make the car alarm that cycles in different sound themes ad infinitum (dee dooo dee dooo dee dooo dee dooo dee ooooooooop ooooooooop oooooooooop wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank beeyoo beeyoo beeyoo beeyoo beeyoo beeyoo etc). Directed Electronics made the Viper whose warning salvo is a recording of Issa requesting of any random rabble that gets too close to your ride “please step away from the car.” Still, every time Darrell Issa speaks I feel like I’ve just been woken up at 2 a.m. by the latter alarm. I don’t hear words coming out of his mouth, just loud annoying repetitive tones that should be ignored to the best of my ability.