Sending Pictures of Your Political Junk in the Old Days

As I discussed with my good friend Ray Richmond yesterday, the pols who get caught with their pants down are just the tip. There must be far more who don't get caught. Imagine if for every (unfortunately named) Bob Packwood, or Barney Frank, or Anthony Weiner there were a mere two other government pervs skulking the halls of Congress. And that's a conservative estimate too. Who knows? Today's instant access gives anyone the potential to be a techno-lecher in a way that could not be achieved in an earlier political era.

WWALD? The fact that Mary Todd Lincoln had some temper issues would not make her husband an automatic candidate for inappropriate relationships via state of the convenience media, but what if he was? Assuming he had the acquaintance and address of a woman in, say, Seattle, he would then have to summon noted shutterbug of the day Mathew Brady to the White House for an impromptu photo shoot. After about five days, Brady would rush in to see the president, having come as soon as he got word. The following conversation could have then taken place:

ABE: If I have you take some closeups of my groin can I trust you to keep quiet?

MATHEW: Sure. Don't worry. Buchanan and King had me take some freaky shots of them together. Hoo boy. You know they were homos, right?

ABE: Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

MATHEW: Come on! Who am I gonna tell?

Three days later Lincoln would have his photographs which he could accompany with a saucy incriminating note, and address and send it via post on the same day. By horse, it would have arrived in Seattle in two weeks or so. That would be the end of that 22-day flash of licentiousness if the object of Lincoln's lust were discreet. But if she felt compelled to go to the press, expect a scoop like that to lead the  news cycle in about two weeks.

The 1860s seem like a lot of work if you wanted to move a scandal forward whereas all those events recently transpired within the span of a day here in 2011. I know I am not alone when I imagine earlier times to be boooooring. If you were in a profession where you spent all day reading, you would then go home and read more because there was nothing else to do. Of course people were clearly smarter then too. With each gadget or application invented to send communication and dirty pictures faster and farther, the English language loses another correct spelling. It also makes people do dumber things, apparently.