Florida Republican Primary Requires Creative Voter Harassment


With very few black voters participating in Tuesday’s Republican primary in Florida, state officials turned to people of Cuban descent and tanned Whites to apply illegal scrutiny. Those who fit the profile were put through a gauntlet of tests and questions before being turned away from the polls.

“I show up to vote and they ask me for my castration papers” explains Chester Klimt, a 68 year old retiree with the complexion of George Clooney. “I asked them ‘what the hell are you talking about? I’m a Republican. I voted for Goldwater in ’64! You can’t treat me like this.’ That’s when they tasered me.”

Klimt may be one of the lucky ones. According to witnesses, Doris Moreno, a third-generation Cuban-American was given a literacy test. Though none of the witnesses saw the test themselves, several quoted Moreno as complaining “but this is Chinese.” Moreno was then removed from the line. When asked where she was being taken, she was told “back to Cuba” according to reports.

Florida officials led by Governor Rick Scott stand firmly by their practices. “Floridians deserve honest elections” said Scott. “We may not be perfect, but at least we do something.”

As for the Republican voters physically capable of seeking justice, their complaints are all filed against the Obama Administration. 

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