Mitt's Appeal

When Mitt Romney finally wins the Republican nomination for president, he will have his work cut out for him. Barack Obama who is currently outpacing Romney among various voting segments is at an advantage. What can we expect to hear from the awkwardly-spoken Republican frontrunner in attempts to salvage his standing to women and Latinos during the general election?

To Women

"Ah, I love women. I tell ya, fairer sex, my knee. If someone asks me how I describe women, I wouldn't say "fair." Wrong answer (nervous laughter). I don't know how you do it. Like the song says, 'I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan.' Except for Jewish women. Don't wanna forget them. They have the matzo soup? They can fry that up, right? I tell ya, my wife Ann is a knockout. If I don't say that she'll knock me out (nervous laughter). Now, Barack Obama, he's been terrible for women. I don't have to tell you. He wants to be the Contraceptor-In-Chief. He not only wants to tell you when to take your birth control pill but when you should have sexual relations. That's not what government is for. Our Founding Fathers said if women had the right to vote, then by golly they should have the right to take the pill according to their own cycle. Our Founding Fathers had a deep respect for the beautifulness and loveliness of womanhood and that is the tradition that our country holds dear. Thank you so much."

To Latinos

"Buenos días. I tell ya I feel right at home right now. You may know of my Mexican heritage. My father was born in Mexico. I still have family there. Yo soy un beaner (nervous laughter). We can say that word, right? I've been around all types of Hispanics; legal; illegal. We had some illegals work for us some time back. We had to let them go since I was running for president but they seemed like real nice folks. Don't tell la Migra (nervous laughter). I've known Cuban, Puerto Rican... um what else? I actually met a Chinese guy from Cuba. How about that? If you closed your eyes and listened to him speak, you'd probably never know he was Chinese. Now, Barack Obama, he's been terrible for Latinos. Where is Barack Obama's Latino policy. Commo estoy su policy Latino? I'll tell you, nada. You deserve better, whether you came here on the back of a donkey or crammed in the spare tire well of an 84 Isuzu Trooper, Viva la Raza! You deserve better! Thank you."