Russian president Vladimir Putin has come forward with
a stunning revelation. Not only
did Russians hack Democratic National Committee emails, but they did it at the
request of Donald Trump who in turn refused to pay them in the end.
“I knew it” screamed Putin through a translator. “I saw that
Hillary Clinton ad about this architect Trump [expletive deleted] over and part
of me didn’t want to believe it because we had already made the deal. I knew
this was going to happen. I knew it!”
When asked why Putin agreed to arrange the hack, the former
director of the nation’s successor to the KGB wiped his eyes and in a barely
audible voice answered “we’re so broke.” He sighed.
“Oil prices are so low and then there are those stupid
sanctions. Hacking is all we do. It’s all we teach in our schools. Every branch
of government does it. At the DMV we are hacking. At our tourism bureau we are
hacking. You get the picture. ”
As for the amount of the overdue bill, Trump refused to pay
the Russians $327 according to Putin. As a means of recouping the loss, the
Russian president said he would consider doing an ad for the Clinton campaign.
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