Intelligence Community Readies Trump's First Intel Report

Worried about the safety of our nation's most cherished and vital information on foreign activity in the hands of an undisciplined egomaniac, the U.S. intelligence community came up with a solution. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump will receive assessments of his own intelligence rather than summations of our national secrets.

"This indemnifies us in the feared event Trump mistakenly shares anything within the report" said one official anonymously. "Anything he reveals in these reports is already public knowledge."