Punxsutawney Phil Predicts 9 More Weeks of Voter Apathy

Punxsutawney Phil, the prescient Pennsylvania marmot who is the center of Groundhog Day is expanding the brand! His sway is no longer restricted to matters of the vernal equinox. Phil, with his odd collection of ceremonial handlers will be lending his voice to autumnal issues by forecasting the level of public interest in politics during presidential elections. Typically, media desk-sitters predict that America's attention to a race for the White House is not grabbed until after Labor Day. This is based on the assumption that kids on summer vacation are so distracting that it is impossible to devote any brainpower to civics. Phil and company have entered the fray to make their own call for the fall. 

On Tuesday morning, the first day after Labor Day, Phil was put in a customized chicken wire maze on the stage and given his inaugural choice. Once placed inside, Phil could either go to the left or to the right. At the end of the left passage was a television screen with a five minute CNN segment featuring Wolf Blitzer. On the right was a bowl of Corn Nuts. Without even seeming to notice the blaring drone of Blitzer, Phil bee-lined to the salty treats with his dancing nose leading the way. 

The crowd paused over the crunching, unsure what prognosis to interpret until Punxsutawney Groundhog Club president Bill Deeley raised Phil above his head and proclaimed "nine more weeks of apathy!" The crowd roared.

Phil then squirmed and emitted base-toned squeaks until returned to his Corn Nuts.