Republicans Introduce Bill To Rename Acorns

Scrapping attempts to draft their own version of a healthcare reform bill, Republicans have put renaming acorns on the top of their agenda as the party in opposition.


“We are in the process of drafting a sweeping bill that will no longer associate the seed of the mighty pine (sic) tree with the likes of swindlers and homegrown terrorists such as David Ayers” announced Rep. Doc Hastings, ranking Republican on the House Committee on Natural Resources. “This bill will reintroduce the acorn as the Liberty Pod.”

Though chances of the bill reaching the floor are slim, House Minority Leader John Boehner attested to the symbolic importance of the legislation

“We’re representing working families of America who are working hard to put food on the table and who are disgusted that the seed of such a noble tree shares its name with a disgraceful organ of the liberal agenda” said Boehner. “Apparently the ‘A’ word is just fine with Speaker Pelosi who spends so much time in San Francisco and Washington D.C. she doesn’t understand the concerns of people in America.”

When asked about the name change bill Pelosi only laughed, briefly displaying a gesture with her thumb and index finger that resembled the letter “L.”

In 2003 two Republican Congressmen, Bob Ney of Ohio and Walter B. Jones Jr. of North Carolina successfully pushed through action in the House to rename French fries and French toast being served in the congressional cafeterias freedom fries and freedom toast. The menu items has since reverted back to their original names and Ney has since spent 2 ½ years in prison for matters unrelated to the name change (Abramoff, ahem).

Bill Ayers’ ties to the organization ACORN remain unconfirmed.