I Love You, ACORN!

If only ACORN did all the things its Republican detractors said, I would love it even more than I do now. Let me be clear on this; I LOVE ACORN! If ACORN stole the last presidential election, good. For a million reasons, good. I wouldn’t want Medvedev to have to sit through John McCain’s catalog of dirty jokes. Medvedev seems like a guy who would prefer Barack Obama’s blue humor. If ACORN was responsible for making that happen, then more power to them.

A recent poll says that 52% of Republicans believe ACORN stole the presidential election. Sounds ominous, but remember, the 52% of Republicans is merely equal to the 23% of those who still think W was an ok or better president.

This margin of folks is one that is unreachable through any reasoning so I get no satisfaction in figuratively smashing my head against a wall by trying to prove them wrong. It is much more satisfying to indulge them in their paranoid fantasies and watch the steam whistle out of there ears with each new Foxesque distortion or lie about ACORN.

ACORN registers poor minority people to vote. Poor minority people don’t vote for Republicans. Republicans have better chances at winning when groups like ACORN don’t register minority voters So if Republicans can derail ACORN it increases their chances of winning elections, theoretically.

In my research I am finding out for the first time that ACORN was at the center of what is now known as “the U.S. Attorney Firings” (What? No U.S. Attorneygate?). U.S. Attorney David Iglesias of New Mexico was removed when he refused to prosecute ACORN. After a probe that lasted over two months there was one case that merited investigation. Iglesias concluded that this one case was not provable. What suggests that David Iglesias was right? Of the three men who held or currently holds Iglesias’ former post none of them have made any movement on prosecuting ACORN.

Those who began the attempted undoing of ACORN are the same people who sent Joe Wilson (not the “you lie” guy) to investigate a claim that Iraq had bought all kinds of uranium in Niger. Wilson concluded that the claim was false. His findings, in spite of their relevance were ignored. When Wilson publicly defended his reputation and work they went after him by exposing his wife as a U.S. spy. That’s not stark raving lunacy based on what I think George W. Bush & Co may have done. It’s what they DID do. It’s on the record. That being said, I’d much rather have ACORN in my foxhole than that bunch.

David Iglesias had distinguished himself early on in his career. As a JAG officer he had worked on a case that was later an inspiration for a movie. There’s not an American over the age of twelve who has not heard one particular line from the movie which is quite apt; “You can’t handle the truth.”

ACORN is in its fortieth year of service being an advocate of low and moderate income families. There’s bound to be stains on their carpet, but this analogy more accurately sums up ACORN rather than the froth coming from the Right. I used to wait on a Hollywood notable at the restaurant and he always ordered the same thing; a medium rare t-bone steak. So we called him T-bone man (genius). T-bone’s man order arrived at his table overcooked about 50% of the time. Some of the guys on steaks just couldn’t cook them right, but T-bone man never alleged the restaurant had a policy of overcooking steaks. Otherwise he would not have returned. His presumption was that the restaurant’s goal was to serve up a pleasing meal, and they always did, even if it took two tries.

Acorn is like that restaurant; they have a goal of providing the services they list in their mission statement, but sometimes they hire someone who phonies voter registration forms because they’re paid by each voter they register. So basically those people were screwing ACORN. ACORN was not screwing America.

And as for the video which showed two Republican activists posing as criminals looking for business advice from ACORN, they had to travel to several different offices to find ACORN people lame enough to provide the tiny percentage of footage they needed to portray all of ACORN as crooked. Where’s the footage of the offices where they weren’t offered any help? Awesome question.

ACORN is not the Evil Empire Fox News sucklers have been led to believe, but some people find it easier and more gratifying to succumb to hysteria than exercise some human reason. ACORN will go on doing what it does and good for them. I will go on laughing at the angry, red-faced bluster of distortion, but I should temper my joy. Ironically, angry people are happiest when they’re angry.