A Message From "The Enemy"

Dear Americans,
We represent a global interest comprised of various groups who are currently involved in hostilities at varying levels against your country or "The Enemy." We write to inform you that our client has all seen the photo of your president in an awkward bow to the emperor of Japan outside what looks like a Benihana's. Pursuant to the discovery of this photo "The Enemy" has resolved to use this shameful display of weakness in any way it can to its advantage.

Should your president ever attempt to stalemate any constituent entity of our client, sovereign or nonsovereign in the midst of any communication, BOO-YAH! Out comes the picture which "The Enemy" has agreed to keep in its top desk drawer in the event of such an instance. The next time Obama's at the U.N., BAM! Placards on the wall everywhere. As we speak, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is having the image incorporated on his letterhead. In Syria, President Bashar al-Assad used the photo to arouse his wife just this morning. Twice.

"The Enemy" would like to thank Dick Cheney for bringing this photo to its attention. What would have been overlooked as standard discretionary international protocol has been twisted and spun into a trump card. "The Enemy" would ordinarily never have assumed that Dick Cheney would seek the failure of sitting U.S. president except he emailed us this photo and companion video. He then phoned us to make sure we received the email asking "what do you think of that." Mistaking Mr. Cheney's point, we conceded that the photo made Mr. Obama's ass look huge. One partner actually thought it was Mr. Obama's head Photoshopped onto Mike Huckabee's body. An indignant Mr. Cheney then enlightened us with the shame potential of the photo and for that we are grateful.

We cheered Mr. Cheney up by offering him a retainer for his services. We even negotiated a bonus package based on the level of humiliation suffered in the photo. We're talking Halliburton money if he can find one of Mr. Obama being kicked in the balls by a foreign dignitary.

In the meantime, we believe our client has the goods to derail the Obama Administration for the next year. Your president won't be able to negotiate his daughters' allowance, nevermind Iran and Healthcare. This assault will continue until your country's stature is no greater than that of Bhutan or Mali (no offense to Bhutan or Mali). So get used to grain rationing.

Peace,

Partners - Brooks, Tina, Ike, and Dunn