WHATEVER HAPPENED TO… Enron?



The year was 2000. High-fructose corn syrup was oozing its way into more items on the grocery store shelf. The world said goodbye to Larry Linville of “M*A*S*H”. And a Houston-based company called Enron reported revenues of about $100 billion. How did they do that? By making it up. Fake earnings kept the stock price high. Everyone assumed Enron was doing well according to the stock price and Enron never showed its balance sheet. Though that was customary it wasn’t required.

By late 2001 Enron was in bankruptcy. The officers given leniency ratted out the top guys, one of which, Ken Lay died before he was sentenced. Those of us who slept through economics classes found it hard to keep it all straight, but the one part we did understand was that Enron locked its doors and went out of business… OR DID IT?!

Eight years after its humiliating fall from grace the lights are still on at Enron, but under the far sexier name, Enron Creditors Recovery Corp. The new Enron is now in charge of liquidating the “pre-bankruptcy” (their term) Enron to pay off creditors. One thing not available on their website is an inventory of the assets to be sold. I propose that they would move items and pay off their debts quicker by devoting one page to serve as a catalog. Between the industry plants, fixtures, and lost & founds, one may speculate a page to look something like this:

ALL ITEMS, BEST OFFER

437 urinals

1 Mumbai Partially-Built Proton Collider

1 Sexy Devil coffee mug

8487 Swingline staplers – various models

578 fake ficus plants

10,000 spent plutonium rods

1 portrait creepy looking family all of whose members appear to be around the same age

160 boxes Christmas decorations plus one electric menorah.

1 Paper and Pulp Works of Waco

33 cases assorted opened booze

2 large first aid kits with CPR and birthing diagrams

Assorted collection 2002 calendars

Whatever the list of goods looks like, why is it taking so long to sell everything off? Hmm. A gander at the goings on down at the Enron website http://www.enron.com/ shows that earlier this year Enron won over a billion dollars from Citibank, one of its creditors in a court approved settlement. How does that work? Enron owes Citibank money and Citibank ends up paying Enron over a billion dollars. I don’t know if paying attention in economics would have helped me understand this arrangement any better, but one thing’s for sure; Enron’s still got it!

2 comments:

  1. I need me one of those Enron urinals. I'll put it up on my dining room wall as dada art.

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  2. Why did Enron have urinals? I thought they used their stock holders and employees to piss on.

    ReplyDelete