AOTL's Oscar Predictions

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I should preface by saying I have no idea what or who is going to win. I can't even remember what was nominated. I am presenting at the Razzie Awards Saturday night and I can't  remember who is nominated in the categories I'm presenting. Come to think of it I can't remember what categories I'm presenting. All I know is that last night I was informed that I might be replaced in one bit by a "celebrity" who may or may not show up. I don't think I'm giving anything away except for the fact that I may be replaced in a bit by a "celebrity."

Given all this, here are my Oscar predictions:

1) The one thing I am most sure about is that I will not be on the patio drinking beers with friends and neighbors while looking at my phone every fifteen minutes for updates. This isn't the Super Bowl after all. Unfortunately it is supposed to rain or snow even which dictates it will be an indoor thing in front of the television. Whose television?

2) I have been the host of  very informal Oscar gatherings over the past couple years. By informal I mean all I do is move the tables to the side of the living room and throw pillows on the floor. Friends and neighbors bring the food and booze. If you're Mark Franco you bring a wheelie suitcase of both because as he likes to say "I know how to throw a party, Chip Dornell."

Over the past year though, a lot of the clique in my building has flown the coop and those of us who remain have not discussed any plans. Also, Mark and Dessa have had a baby (not to say that would stop them and it shouldn't). I was also invited to a tentatively planned thingie. I predict there is a 75% chance I sit in front of my computer most of the night looking stuff up on Wikipedia with the television on in the background. 

3) Aside from these predictions I am also sure that it won't actually snow here in Brentwood. I also have a strong feeling that Moumaarr Qukhaddaffiiy will DVR the Oscar telecast and never get around to watching them. I believe to make up for the fact that there are no black nominees this year the press will eagerly seek out former black nominees and winners for red carpet and post interviews. Get ready to hear how Jamie Foxx performed at the White House this past week. You'll hear it about a hundred times.