Republican America in Pictures

Barack Obama speaks frequently about our edge and competitiveness in the world, while the Republicans parrot this “no tax, no spend” theme. They are concerned about us borrowing from the Chinese but have no plan to try to compete with the Chinese. We know that the Republican model of lowering taxes across the board grows deficits. Even worse, lack of focused, beneficial spending has a sedative effect on the economy. Don’t try explaining this to a Republican though. These are the same people who think their taxes have gone up in the past two years when in fact we are paying less in taxes now than we have in 60 years.

In his State of the Union Address Obama spoke about investing in the future. He compared it to the Space Race when the government (yes the government) forked over piles of money to create an aerospace industry, eventually leading to economic growth, jobs, and technological advances. Republicans insist that all growth and technology is driven by the private sector. Of course, there was no company pumping out rockets and command modules before President Kennedy made space travel a U.S. priority.

More and more, Republicans are distinguishing themselves as the sponsors of the decline of America and if that is a record they are proud of then let us put their names on the deterioration they wish to oversee. AOTL presents a Republican America in Pictures.

John Boehner 
Memorial Bridge
Creakily spanning eight feet of the Cuyahoga River Boehner Memorial serves as a popular party spot for local high school students on weekend nights. Boner Mammarial as the kids call it was formerly Frito-Lay Pepsico bridge until the salty food and corn syrupy drink behemoth sold it off as scrap aluminum after deeming the bridge unprofitable. 


Michele Bachmann
Correctional Facility
Here is a monument to the beauty of the free market. As a government contractor, MBCF not only took in the money it overcharged the government, they also were free to achieve profitability through other creative means. When it was discovered that inmates were being evicted for not paying their rents on time government regulators over-stepped their bounds and reduced the prison capacity to zero percent leading to cutbacks and layoffs.


Mitch McConnell
High-Speed Train

This train line is a tribute to Mitch McConnell and anyone else who cringes when the words "federal" and "funds" are used together. True Republicans know there is no need to build new trains for a high-speed train line. Especially with pending Republican legislation that will define "high-speed" as "anything faster than walking." As for any Obama plan for high-speed rail, McConnell will resist it until the day Barack Obama leaves office.  


Newt Gingrich
Preparatory High School
Whoever thought that two modified semi truck trailers filled with junk could become the most moneymaking educational facility in the country? Newt Gingrich did. And he still thinks so. All he has to do is convince the right investors once this recession created by Obama ends. 

Jon Kyl
Science and Technical
Training Center
In a good faith show of compromise to Muslim Socialism Republicans accepted an offer for another extension of tax cuts for rich in exchange for $140 to fund the Kyl Tech Training Center. Every year this facility will turn out a student who with a little bit of gumption and strength to pull up their bootstraps will learn how to put together doohickeys and mix elixirs. 

1 comment:

  1. Chip, this priceless!!! Too bad the unenlightened will never have the opportunity to see this!

    ReplyDelete