Come On Canada, Be Cool

Come on Canada, be cool. Eighty-seven dollars a barrel? Come on. We make our own oil. We don't even need to buy it from you. We're just doing you a favor. Just come down a little bit. I thought we were friends.
It's not like you're having rebellions or drug wars and you don't have to ship it very far. We'll even pick it up from now on. Just text me the address. 


You know we buy most of our oil from you and we don't even get so much as a punch card program. You have to keep your best customers happy. It's called customer service. Hello. How much money do you need? Oh, that's right, just enough to cover that house of cards you call a health care system. I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding. You guys have a far lower death rate than us. You must be doing something right. So what do you say?... Come on! Then come down a little on your maple syrup, which we also make by the way. 


Maybe you're just trying to put on a show for Hugo Chavez, huh? I know you Like all of his status updates on Facebook. He calls you Tio Tom De Los Yanquis behind your back. That means America's Uncle Tom. What a prick. So what do you say? Eighty bucks a barrel? We'll even keep Celine. Think about it. I'll call you tomorrow.
Douche.