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Sunday, August 7, 2016

Trump Operates Microwave Oven to Prove Nuke Literacy

As more people doubt his comprehension of nuclear weapons, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump operated a microwave oven on stage during an appearance in Topeka, Kansas on Saturday to prove his critics wrong. 

"I know more about nuclear weapons than everybody. Believe me" Trump bellowed. "I've been told by so many people, nuclear weapons people, that I know more about nuclear weapons than they do, okay" he continued as the crowed roared with approval. 

The real estate hustler then turned to the brand new prop oven with its door still taped shut by the factory and announced "I've been using this thing for years. I've nuked everything in this. Believe me." He then bent down to study the keypad before asking the audience "who wants to defrost some popcorn?" The crowd once more erupted in cheers of delight. He pressed a series of buttons before returning to the podium where he offered responses to a series of controversies dating back to his childhood. 

"This one guy from the third grade, the third grade, goes to the press and says I was a bully. You know what we do with people like that. We hit back at them hard. Then you look at what Megyn Kelly said about me. Oh boy. She's a piece of work." 

The prideful stream of consciousness was interrupted with a beep from the microwave oven. Trump paused to look at the oven before commanding "it's broken, get it out of here." 

At no point did the candidate address the fact that there is no relation between nuclear technology and microwave technology.

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