Beware The Idiots Of March Part II

ERIC MASSA
Job: Unemployed
Nicknames: Creepy, That Weird Guy, What's Up With Massa
Turnons: Men's locker rooms, groping men, touching men, gay "fracking"
Turnoffs: Ethics investigations
Favorite Possession: Navy photo album
Talent: Leaping navy bunks to give unwanted massages in a single bound
Favorite Catchphrase: "Shhhhhh. Relax."

PROFILE:
When elected to represent his New York district in Congress, Eric Massa chose a dedicated staff of men with dreams of political careers instead of gay go-go dancers. This may have been his downfall. Though Massa to date has deferred questions of his sexuality to his wife and former navy shipmates (the latter of which confirm he is most likely gay) he has handled questions of any impropriety with an intricate song and dance that can only be performed by an accomplished practitioner of musical theatre.